I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
