I have demons in me.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
