All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize