the condom got lost in my hair
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
