She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
