I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
