Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
