Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
