The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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