i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
