you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Can Purell be used as lube?
even my farts smell like vagina
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
