it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
