bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
