My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
