I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This baby is an asshole
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
