Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
