I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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