Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
