I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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