doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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