You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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