I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
