Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
