ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
