you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
