my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
