think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
