He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
