Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
