i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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