ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
