I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
