ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
