I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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