I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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