So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
