you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
