my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Green mimosas i think yes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
