I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
