He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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