Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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