I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
