Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
