Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
