Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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