I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Randomize
