im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
