Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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