so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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