We're facebook friends in real life
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
