you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
