there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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