I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
