lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
