Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
