we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
