you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
