Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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