Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
