I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
