Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I party with great urgency now.
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