The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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