i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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