Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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