Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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