Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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