arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
