I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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