Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All the doctor said was why
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
