I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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