Where did you get a picture of my penis
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize